I received a new book in the mail called the “Power of the Other” by Dr. Henry Cloud. The book focuses on the dynamics of relationships or influences others may have upon us, along with the effect that relationship has on us. How we choose people in our lives helps inspire you to do things in your life you never thought possible “from the bedroom to the boardroom” as the book says. I am not going to steal Dr. Cloud’s thunder, as you should read and process the book on your own. As with all his books, you should really buy at least three copies. A copy for you to read and mark up, the second copy is for a friend to read. The third copy is for when you want to lend the second copy to someone else but cannot get the second friend to give you the book back because they have marked up the book.
I will tell you that I am enjoying Dr. Cloud’s book. The book is a great reminder that we cannot isolate ourselves. There was a very long period of my life that I believed the monkeys in my head. I was not good enough, worthy enough, or strong enough to do anything correctly. My family told me repeatedly that any success I achieved was either luck, or that I was playing the yes man and kissing butt to get ahead. I grew to believe that I was an extra in this life. A throwaway bit player not worthy of naming in the credits. Sad I know. 8 years on from the release from my box, I find that I can easily slip back into that mentality. When stressed it is easy to slip back into the destructive thought patterns of the past.
You need positive, helpful, and constructive help from others. We need people who challenge us and in loving ways, hold us accountable for what we do. Honestly, stagnation and isolation are what Satan wants us to do. Waiting for the time when we separate ourselves from others, his whispers are so sweet and easy to hear at those points. “Give up, don’t try, nobody cares, and you are going to fail anyway” are all the whispers of darkness. We also need to watch for those relationships that talk sweetly to you and say what you want to hear to keep you in the box that they have you in. My favorite is “it’s not your fault so it’s ok”. Real loving relationships are a fuel to the soul. For so many years, I bought into the lies that I was slow, stupid, ugly, obese and unworthy. I compensated by playing the happy fat kid and happy fat guy for 44 years.
I am here to tell you there is freedom in others who love and know you. Seek out people that will allow you to push back on them. As Dr. Cloud states in the book, seek out the fourth corner relationships and unlock your potential. When I started my journey, I was alone, I isolated from others. If not for the Grace of God, I am not sure how I survived. Yet something in me never stopped looking for people to help me in my journey. I now enjoy a deep relationship with others that I would never have dreamed I could have in my life. If you need someone to talk to, to help you sort through the monkeys in your head, send us an e-mail. I am here to listen. I have walked the path I know where you walk.